Ranking The Six Potential California States
1. Silicon Valley (Yellow) - I hold a bias because I live here. However, we have the best sports teams, the best street food and we weren’t responsible for that ‘Lean Like A Cholo’ abomination (see next entry).
2. West California (Green) - L.A. got the entertainment industry on lock and they bequeathed Crip Walking to the world so they are a shoo in for the second spot.
3. New New New Mexico (Orange) - San Diego, Rich nigga orange county straggers, and endless miles of insufferable desert when you’re driving to Vegas.
4. Old Rich White Nigga-Ville (Purple) - The parents of all the young rich white people in Silcon Valley. Hella wineries, spas, and bottles of water that cost $9 for no fucking reason at all.
5. I Wasn’t Ready-ville (Burgandy) - This part of California is populated with all the people who used to live on the coast until the price drove them inland. Nobody actually wants to live in this part of Cali. It’s boring and hot as balls.
6. Might As Well Be Oregon-Ville (Blue) - This part of California exists solely to put a buffer between us and Oregon so we dont get their northern cooties and snow. This piece of land is like that lame nigga who only gets to hang out with the crew because he buys liquor and weed. They’re with us but not really with us.
Dying myself dead.