randallorrandy:

Feeling antsy.  

Not anxious just….I wanna do something.

Thought……Hungry….yeah, maybe I’m just hungry….

so I cooked every day this week.

 
That’s not it.

And these pots and pans and dishes and leftovers aint it.

(And apparently, my jeans aren’t it either cause I can’t quite fit them.  Today, anyway.)

Thought I just needed some FUN.  (You know, some pizzazz.  Or whatever you kids are calling it these days.)

Did that.  

And two days later, with final recovery and sobriety reinstated, I can state unequivocally…..that wasn’t it.  lol.

Then I guess I realized that my body (my limbs and torso.  my EARS. my lips and eyelids. Everything.) is anxious without you.  My mind, it is like a two year old.  I can think about other things, do my schoolwork, distract myself with our distance.  I stay busy. 

But my body, I guess, was made with the same dust as your body and seeks its sister-skin with something similar to the point before the water goes from simmer to boil.

Being caught on the cusp of everything you want and waiting? WAITING?!

I’m about two point five seconds from joining Job and Jesus and asking the Lord why He has forsaken me.  

But….before I climb onto the cross of not having you.

Before I wail to the wind the absolute agony of not having you.  

Before I just…..write sappy ass shit on Tumblr about not having you.

Figured I’d sit and meditate on this: wanting you and the waiting and feeling overwhelmed with it is one of the happiest feelings I’ve ever had.  Frustrating, yes, but no one can tell me I’m not in complete ecstasy.

10:00 am  •  31 January 2012  •  1 note